Welcome to my little slice of online self-humiliation. I am just one of millions of people who has battled with weight issues my entire life. Gaining, losing, maintaining, and otherwise struggling to please both myself and the rest of society by attempting to improve my image. It is a physical, mental, and emotional battle that can often seem as illusive as a world peace or a bipartisan Senate. It is easy to feel like we are alone within this personal battlefield, even with the help and support of friends and family. Hopefully, this blog helps convince at least one person that they are not alone. Maybe it will even work for me.


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Fat Films: Drag Me to Hell

Night of the DemonImage via Wikipedia

Anyone who listens in on Podcast #3 over at MovieSucktastic.com will hear me rant about Sam Raimi's recent return to the Horror genre, Drag Me to Hell.

For the most part, I enjoyed the film. It was fun, creepy, entertaining, and even the third act was little more than a rip-off of Night of the Demon, it felt refreshingly original in a market saturated with Franchise do-overs and Japanese Horror Cinema rehashes.

What I didn't care for, however, was the films almost subliminal (and completely unnecessary) and negative portrayal of fat people, or rather, Fat Kids.

In the film Alison Lohman plays Christine, an almost frail-looking bank clerk from a humble background with dreams of a bank job promotion and marrying into a wealthy, sophisticated family. When she decides to deny a mortgage extension to an elderly woman from the old country, she finds herself on the receiving end of a rather ugly gypsy curse. Hilarity ensues.

Characterization is an important part of any screenplay, and most dialogue and action is designed to impart some sort of knowledge about the character. However, these characteristics are also meant to be important to the plot, or the way in which the audience relates to the character.

So, as the film progresses, there are four scene that are 'subtly' inserted to imply that the beautiful, delicate, wafer-thin Christine once suffered from a childhood eating disorder:

1) In the opening of the film, Christine is shown pausing at a bakery window briefly to gaze longingly at the frosting-coated delicacies within. I love scenes like this that imply all people with weight issues have a tendency to congregate around pastry displays like recovered heroin addicts.

2) While cooking for her prospective in-laws, Christine comes across a poorly photo-shopped childhood picture of her as a young tubby girl in overalls, which she promptly crumbles up and throws away. First, you have to love the logic that the picture would be in an old cookbook, since she was a fat kid. Makes sense, right? Then there is the reasoning that formerly fat skinny people are enraged and disgusted by their childhood memories. Why wouldn't they be, they were fat, weren't they?

3) When greeted by the gypsy woman's granddaughter, she says to Christine "You were a fat little girl, weren't you? I can tell." In case you didn't get the hint from the cannoli coveting and cookbook photo album, the mean gypsy lady taunts her out loud so you get the idea that at one point in her life, this skinny little wall flower was a chunky monkey.

4) In two separate scenes in which Christine is facing certain death and possible homicide, she indulges in eating vast amounts of ice cream. Of course, both scenes are played for humorous effect. Because fat people eat in stressful situations, right? And that's funny!

This minor background character trait resurfaces repeatedly throughout the film in these few instances, but has no real baring on the plot or character development as a whole. Is Raimi just inserting little fat jokes throughout the film to lighten the mood or express some personal deep-seated hatred?

The existence of these scenes takes on an even more sinister tone when you consider that part the character's demonstrated personality in the film is that, while not a bad person, is inherently greedy and selfish. This is demonstrated through her willingness to harm others for her own benefit, and her constant struggles to make or convince others to take the blame for her own actions.

You see where Raimi is going with this, don't you? In order to enhance the character's inherent greed and selfishness, he's added a fat past and overeating into her personality and history. The tiny, practically anorexic character is given a past in which she was fat in order to make her less appealing, less likable, less sympathetic character.

In short, the film's message seems to be that fat people can lose weight, but they'll still be ugly on the inside.

Like I said, I liked the film. But I can't stomach this kind of stuff being passed of as character development in a film like Drag Me to Hell.

Really, thanks for Evil Dead and Spiderman, but Sam Raimi can still Go to Hell for this crap.


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Sunday, September 13, 2009

Diet Rituals: Setting "The Goal"

American Beauty album coverImage via Wikipedia

"I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast."

"Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?"

"I want to look good naked."

- American Beauty

Setting a goal is one of the first things you're supposed to do when planning a diet and exercise routine. State exactly where you want to be in a certain time frame, and strive towards that goal.

I've never been a huge fan of the whole Goal Orientation aspect. I'm like the Republicans and Iraq; I think it is unreasonable to announce my expectations by setting checkpoints for fat withdrawals. There's already an implied goal embedded in dedicating one's self to a diet: Lose Weight, Get Healthy. To me, anything else seems like needless micromanaging.

Of course, its also supposed to be a realistic goal. One hundred pounds in two months isn't too achievable, unless you've jumped on that Dehydration & Vivisection diet fad that's been sweeping the nation this week. But what's to say what a realistic goal really is until you're already halfway there? Its easy to say that the drive to Florida is only going to take six hours, but that was before the construction traffic on route 78, and you're going to end up pulling over for ice cream at some point just to shut the kids up. Life of intervenes in a most annoying and counterproductive manner.

The best laid plans of mice and men often involve cheese, but communication is always the fly in the ointment... sorry, don't know where I was going with that. The point is, short term goals can get discouraging if you fail to meet them, and discouragement is the

(Week 16) Day 108/366 - Pride - I'm proud of m...Image by size8jeans via Flickr

biggest enemy of the Dieter, right above ice cream and ill-fitting jogging suits. Why risk the heartache by scheduling monthly, or God forbid, weekly, weight loss goals?

Then again, the long term goals can be pretty discouraging themselves. Its hard to feel good about the progress you are making when you can't measure it. One hundred pounds in a year or two might be a great ultimate goal, but if that's the chunk you're looking to eradicate, the fifteen or twenty you start out with isn't going to be that sizable of a dent to the mind's eye.

So, what's the compromise? Somewhere between weighing yourself every night and wanting to look good naked, there has to be a reasonable level of expectation. This is what I've striven to achieve within my own diet plan. I think I might have come up with something.

I do plan on weighing myself to measure my success, just as soon as I find the appropriate scale (more on that fiasco later). You need to know where the journey begins, after all. But I will not be weighing myself regularly. Instead, I am going to be taking a slightly more feminine approach and measure my rate of success through belt notches and pants sizes. The belt I am wearing right now, for example, has one notch visible beyond the buckle. My goal? More than One. When I get to two, the goal will be More than Two. An achievable and visible goal, put with flexible parameters.

As far as a more permanent long-term goal, I intend to walk into a normal store like Sears or Target before New Year, and purchase a pair of pants off of the rack that actually fit. For, as anyone battling with weight knows, one of the most noticeable signs of being overweight is being forced to shop at "Big & Tall" or "Plus Size" stores for clothing. I will definitely be talking about the mythical realm of shopping "Off the Peg" at a later date.

So, there you have it. My personal Weight Loss Goals: More belt notches, and fewer pants sizes.

Looking good naked wouldn't hurt, either.

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Daily Update

A "panoramic" image of a chewy grano...Image via Wikipedia

Going try and do these... well, you know... daily, with some in depth thoughts and discussions in between.

Worked out last night, half an hour on the eliptical, followed by some weights and a few sit-ups. By the time I got the sit-ups I was pretty exhausted and wasn't able to crank many out. Might have to do those beforehand.

The only think I ate last night past 6PM was a yogurt. Had a granola bar for breakfast this morning.

Does yard work count as cardio? Plenty of grunting and sweating to around, that's for sure. Took a break for lunch, a chicken salad sandwich with apples and almonds.


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