Welcome to my little slice of online self-humiliation. I am just one of millions of people who has battled with weight issues my entire life. Gaining, losing, maintaining, and otherwise struggling to please both myself and the rest of society by attempting to improve my image. It is a physical, mental, and emotional battle that can often seem as illusive as a world peace or a bipartisan Senate. It is easy to feel like we are alone within this personal battlefield, even with the help and support of friends and family. Hopefully, this blog helps convince at least one person that they are not alone. Maybe it will even work for me.
Anyone who listens in on Podcast #3 over at MovieSucktastic.com will hear me rant about Sam Raimi's recent return to the Horror genre, Drag Me to Hell.
For the most part, I enjoyed the film. It was fun, creepy, entertaining, and even the third act was little more than a rip-off of Night of the Demon, it felt refreshingly original in a market saturated with Franchise do-overs and Japanese Horror Cinema rehashes.
What I didn't care for, however, was the films almost subliminal (and completely unnecessary) and negative portrayal of fat people, or rather, Fat Kids.
In the film Alison Lohman plays Christine, an almost frail-looking bank clerk from a humble background with dreams of a bank job promotion and marrying into a wealthy, sophisticated family. When she decides to deny a mortgage extension to an elderly woman from the old country, she finds herself on the receiving end of a rather ugly gypsy curse. Hilarity ensues.
Characterization is an important part of any screenplay, and most dialogue and action is designed to impart some sort of knowledge about the character. However, these characteristics are also meant to be important to the plot, or the way in which the audience relates to the character.
So, as the film progresses, there are four scene that are 'subtly' inserted to imply that the beautiful, delicate, wafer-thin Christine once suffered from a childhood eating disorder:
1) In the opening of the film, Christine is shown pausing at a bakery window briefly to gaze longingly at the frosting-coated delicacies within. I love scenes like this that imply all people with weight issues have a tendency to congregate around pastry displays like recovered heroin addicts.
2) While cooking for her prospective in-laws, Christine comes across a poorly photo-shopped childhood picture of her as a young tubby girl in overalls, which she promptly crumbles up and throws away. First, you have to love the logic that the picture would be in an old cookbook, since she was a fat kid. Makes sense, right? Then there is the reasoning that formerly fat skinny people are enraged and disgusted by their childhood memories. Why wouldn't they be, they were fat, weren't they?
3) When greeted by the gypsy woman's granddaughter, she says to Christine "You were a fat little girl, weren't you? I can tell." In case you didn't get the hint from the cannoli coveting and cookbook photo album, the mean gypsy lady taunts her out loud so you get the idea that at one point in her life, this skinny little wall flower was a chunky monkey.
4) In two separate scenes in which Christine is facing certain death and possible homicide, she indulges in eating vast amounts of ice cream. Of course, both scenes are played for humorous effect. Because fat people eat in stressful situations, right? And that's funny!
This minor background character trait resurfaces repeatedly throughout the film in these few instances, but has no real baring on the plot or character development as a whole. Is Raimi just inserting little fat jokes throughout the film to lighten the mood or express some personal deep-seated hatred?
The existence of these scenes takes on an even more sinister tone when you consider that part the character's demonstrated personality in the film is that, while not a bad person, is inherently greedy and selfish. This is demonstrated through her willingness to harm others for her own benefit, and her constant struggles to make or convince others to take the blame for her own actions.
You see where Raimi is going with this, don't you? In order to enhance the character's inherent greed and selfishness, he's added a fat past and overeating into her personality and history. The tiny, practically anorexic character is given a past in which she was fat in order to make her less appealing, less likable, less sympathetic character.
In short, the film's message seems to be that fat people can lose weight, but they'll still be ugly on the inside.
Like I said, I liked the film. But I can't stomach this kind of stuff being passed of as character development in a film like Drag Me to Hell.
Really, thanks for Evil Dead and Spiderman, but Sam Raimi can still Go to Hell for this crap.
Setting a goal is one of the first things you're supposed to do when planning a diet and exercise routine. State exactly where you want to be in a certain time frame, and strive towards that goal.
I've never been a huge fan of the whole Goal Orientation aspect. I'm like the Republicans and Iraq; I think it is unreasonable to announce my expectations by setting checkpoints for fat withdrawals. There's already an implied goal embedded in dedicating one's self to a diet: Lose Weight, Get Healthy. To me, anything else seems like needless micromanaging.
Of course, its also supposed to be a realistic goal. One hundred pounds in two months isn't too achievable, unless you've jumped on that Dehydration & Vivisection diet fad that's been sweeping the nation this week. But what's to say what a realistic goal really is until you're already halfway there? Its easy to say that the drive to Florida is only going to take six hours, but that was before the construction traffic on route 78, and you're going to end up pulling over for ice cream at some point just to shut the kids up. Life of intervenes in a most annoying and counterproductive manner.
The best laid plans of mice and men often involve cheese, but communication is always the fly in the ointment... sorry, don't know where I was going with that. The point is, short term goals can get discouraging if you fail to meet them, and discouragement is the
biggest enemy of the Dieter, right above ice cream and ill-fitting jogging suits. Why risk the heartache by scheduling monthly, or God forbid, weekly, weight loss goals?
Then again, the long term goals can be pretty discouraging themselves. Its hard to feel good about the progress you are making when you can't measure it. One hundred pounds in a year or two might be a great ultimate goal, but if that's the chunk you're looking to eradicate, the fifteen or twenty you start out with isn't going to be that sizable of a dent to the mind's eye.
So, what's the compromise? Somewhere between weighing yourself every night and wanting to look good naked, there has to be a reasonable level of expectation. This is what I've striven to achieve within my own diet plan. I think I might have come up with something.
I do plan on weighing myself to measure my success, just as soon as I find the appropriate scale (more on that fiasco later). You need to know where the journey begins, after all. But I will not be weighing myself regularly. Instead, I am going to be taking a slightly more feminine approach and measure my rate of success through belt notches and pants sizes. The belt I am wearing right now, for example, has one notch visible beyond the buckle. My goal? More than One. When I get to two, the goal will be More than Two. An achievable and visible goal, put with flexible parameters.
As far as a more permanent long-term goal, I intend to walk into a normal store like Sears or Target before New Year, and purchase a pair of pants off of the rack that actually fit. For, as anyone battling with weight knows, one of the most noticeable signs of being overweight is being forced to shop at "Big & Tall" or "Plus Size" stores for clothing. I will definitely be talking about the mythical realm of shopping "Off the Peg" at a later date.
So, there you have it. My personal Weight Loss Goals: More belt notches, and fewer pants sizes.
Going try and do these... well, you know... daily, with some in depth thoughts and discussions in between.
Worked out last night, half an hour on the eliptical, followed by some weights and a few sit-ups. By the time I got the sit-ups I was pretty exhausted and wasn't able to crank many out. Might have to do those beforehand.
The only think I ate last night past 6PM was a yogurt. Had a granola bar for breakfast this morning.
Does yard work count as cardio? Plenty of grunting and sweating to around, that's for sure. Took a break for lunch, a chicken salad sandwich with apples and almonds.
They are an unavoidable certainty whenever diet plans are being advertised. Commercials hawking the latest miracle cure for fat or the newest foolproof exercise machine invariably feel the need to slap them on the screen as they shout about the amazing success stories that you can replicate or a low monthly price.
On the left, a poorly lit photograph of the poor soul who was lucky enough to be taken under the
wing of this miracle shake/pill/food service/cook book/food processor/support group/weight bench wholesaler that they are now acting as spokesperson for. Their face is usually obscured, the picture taken from the knees to the neck in order to accentuate the topic at hand. clad in only a small pair of baggy gym shorts, the flabby extended belly and torso of the formerly overweight spokesperson hangs over the drawstring of the baggy shorts like a soggy sack of oatmeal. Pale, distended, often hairy and generally unappealing, the spokesperson announces in a voice over dripping with disgust and bitterness that "This is how I used to look."
What I am referring to, of course, is the first half of the notorious "Before and After Photos" present in almost every diet and fitness add ever broadcast or printed.
The after picture is always shot under better lighting; it is brighter, more cheerful and illuminating. The pale baggy skin of the previous picture is now tan and tight and devoid of any sightly body hair, the baggy shorts replaced with a tight pair of form-fitting Lycra shorts that accentuate the slender hips and firm thighs of transformed spokesperson. This
is what they look lo0k now, thanks to (insert product name here), and they want you to look as good as they do now!
Visual manipulation, well-planned stagecraft, creative advertising, and a healthy dose of disingenuous crap. Anyone with half a brain distrusts this advertising strategy. But of course, we are far from immune to it. Anyone who has managed to lose a great deal of weight has done the same thing with the help of their own photo album. "See this?" The previously heavier dieter will gladly show friends and strangers alike a photo of them five sized ago and proudly proclaim "This is how I used to look."
There's nothing wrong with this, of course. It is the pride of accomplishment, the desire to showcase and demonstrate the results of days, weeks, months, and even years of difficult and soul-straining effort on the part of a successful dieter. They deserve the praise, and have earned the bragging rights that come with a closet full of clothing that is now to big to wear. As someone why successfully dropped over sixty pounds in the past, I am guilty of the same sins of pride.
But the question is, why wait until after the fact to go back and select our "Before" photo? The goal of the diet at its beginning is blatantly clear' the beginning dieter is stating firmly and without hesitation, "I don't want to look like this anymore." So instead of waiting until months later to seek out for that embarrassing photo that Aunt Emily took at the family barbecue when you were eating that rhubarb pie in swim trunks and sandals, why not take the initiative that crafty advertising executives do when they plan their Before and After photos months before their product even hits the shelves?
I am not a cruel and sadistic man, nor am I a self-loathing masochist with a humiliation fetish. I am not suggesting that I, or anyone else for that matter, should climb into a pair of two-sizes-too-small bicycle shorts and take a candid webcamjpeg of offending bloated stomach for public derision and ridicule. People with weight problems deal with enough body-issues and unsolicited public opinions without actually needing or wanting to invite this kind of embarrassment upon themselves. Let the soulless advertising executives exploit the personal struggles of strangers for their own financial gain. Those of us embarking on the Diet Path are focused on constructive activities, not destructive ones.
But if we are being completely honest with ourselves (and if we weren't, we wouldn't be dieting), our own personal "Before" picture not only exists, it is most likely one of the reasons that we have decided to take the bull by the horns and face our weight issues head-on. We don't have play demoralizing dress-up and set the timer on our digital camera to take our "Before" picture. Somebody has already taken it for us.
As I was considering the whole aspect of the Before and After pictures, I realized that my "Before" picture had already been taken last week at the BooksNJ 2009 event in Paramus, New Jersey, where I was signing copies of my latest book for the one or two rabid fans who had never heard of me before that day. It was taken by a close friend and fellow writer, who happened to be on hand to help me fulfil my irrational desire to have my picture taken with Fox and Friends co-star Steve Doocey.
I am not a fan of Steve Doocey. I actually find him and his fellow co-hosts quite unintentionally comical and absurd. This, for reasons known not even to myself, made the idea of getting my picture taken with him that much more necessary. Afterwards, after posting the photo online, I was shocked to see the visible proof of the weight I have gained since last December. It is a perfect example of what a "Before" picture should be. As a matter of future pride, I now present the photo here for all who are interested:
Let me first say that I am more embarrassed by my firm grip on Steve Doocey's shoulder than I am of my own prominently displayed gut.
When I posted this picture online last week, I cropped out that gut. So why would put it back and post it here for public consumption?
Honesty. Honesty to myself, really. This gut is not a well-kept secret to keep from being exposed to the world. I carry it around wherever I go. I am not often aware of it, but it is there regardless of my own self image. I show it off wherever I go, not out of pride or avarice, but out of my inability to leave it at home for the afternoon.
Furthermore, I am not ashamed of it. Am I embarrassed by it? Yes, of course. But I am no more ashamed of my gut than I am my height, my gender, or my inadvertently goofy smile. To quote a wise old sailor, "I am what I am." That's good enough for me.
But still; honesty to myself. I don't want to look like this anymore.
So I present my own "Before" photo, but not as a motivation or reminder of why I am dieting. I carry the weight wherever I go; I need no reminder of why I am dieting. Instead, I offer it as a sacrifice to the Diet Gods. And I encourage you to do the same. Face your current situation, not with self-loathing or disgust, but with honesty, acknowledgment, and unwavering determination.
But most importantly, there is one very significant point to labeling a recent unflattering photograph as your "Before" picture. In doing so, you are acknowledging that there will be an "After" photo.
I can hardly wait.
Update:
Contrary to what recent readers of this blog have assumed, the topmost picture of a flabby belly hanging over a pair of denim jeans is not, in fact, my own stomach. The picture displayed was supplied by the blog program I currently use, If clicked upon, I believe the picture will lead you back to the original poster, who made their features readily accessible on Flickr. My own belly, prominent as it is, can only be found fully clothes alongside Steve Doocey in this post.
It is a question that I will no doubt be asked by most people who know me. Why air your personal affairs like this in a public forum and risk ridicule by people you don't even know?
Of course, risking the ridicule of strangers is something that most overweight people do by just going out in public. Fat people are not the most beloved members of society. We're probably one of the few groups that are still openly discriminated against without fear of reprisals. I mean, we've got it coming, don't we? If we didn't want people to make fun of us, we wouldn't be fat.
Don't worry, this blog isn't just going to be a series of bitter rants about the woes of being overweight. I'm not promise that there won't be the occasional tirade; you don't choke down decades of bile without having a little leak out now and then. But I'm not here to spread the hate.
So why am I here? Why start a Diet Blog?
Admittedly, part of the reason is quite selfish. A recent bout of unemployment has resulted in a resurgence of weight gain after a recent success with losing a great deal in a short time. The only real solution is a complete change of a lifetime of acquired habits, which aren't the easiest kind to
change. So, I thought that keeping an online journal of my new attempts would help motivate me.
But that isn't the only reason. Being a writer, and having struggled with weight issues most of my life, I have always wanted to work on a project about weight that is personal, yet investigative and exploratory. They always say "Write what you know." Well, I know about being fat. Might as well take a stab at writing about it.
What I'm to accomplish with this blog is both personal and professional in nature. I want to document my new attempt at slimming down and shaping up, along with all of the humor and insight that I try to inject into my writing. I'm also planning on reviewing aspects of weight loss in our popular culture. Diet books, exercise fads, the portrayal of fat people in entertainment, how the news handles the 'obesity epidemic', and even the medical industry's approach to the topic. For people struggling with weight issues, it can often seem like the world is coming at you from all angles. Hopefully, I can take a closer look at these angles and offer my own opinions, for whatever they're worth.
To be honest, I have done no preliminary research into other Diet Blogs. I'm not even sure if there are any, although I have to assume that there are hundreds of them out there. But if there are, I am sure that they are personal and heartfelt, and follow their own path in telling the story. That's what I am hoping to do. So for now, I'm just going to wade into this blindly, and see how deep the waters get before I start looking for guidance.
I'm hoping that this will turn out to be a very positive and entertaining experience. Thanks for sharing it with me.
We are all assaulted on a daily basis by a barrage of fad diets, food scares, news hyped obesity epidemic reports, media influenced body image problems, and countless opportunists ready and willing to cash in on the difficulty that many of us face with weight maintenance.
In the end, the only stories that truly matter are those of the individual.
This is mine.
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